I'd like to accept this award on behalf of myself...

Acceptance, denial... it doesn't really matter; all my candidness got me was a lot of scared looks and a ton of "I love you"s.

There's nothing really wrong with this. However, I felt a little sheepish for writing what I did. People don't react well to late night confessionals, especially when they see that they've been lied to. This was not my intention. I thrive on honesty, truly I do. I just like to keep people happy and what I did, what I still sometimes long to do, it puts friends and family all in knots. I know; I've been there.

I guess the best thing to say at this point is thank you. Thank you to everyone that has shared their love and kindness and have shown support of me in a time where most would rather leave it alone. I hope to be able to pay back this debt of gratitude in time.

It's cold.
The kind of cold where it's not really cold, but it's been warm the past few days so when the temperature drops, it feels like it's freezing. I shiver and type on.

Finals week... synonymous to Hell.
Biology is kicking my butt, even though it's one of my favorite classes. My professor is a known atheist and he sometimes likes to ridicule those who would oppose his view. Those who couldn't ignore him exited the class the first day. I stayed but I don't ignore him. That's what I get for being agnostic.

My history professor can't look me in the eye. Someone once told me that that was a symptom of autism. I won't pass judgment on that, though it seems I already have. I don't know nearly enough about so prevalent a disease/disorder. It makes me feel guilty seeing as how I resent the fact that most people don't/won't understand mine.

I like it when he laughs.

I feel sick with joy when I think of the possibility of summer.

Sick... with... joy.

I'm still cold. What happened to spring? And why am I always surprised when this happens? It's Utah; it always snows in the spring.

I'm moving on Saturday. A whole two floors down.
I have to get up early that day. Chances are I'll just stay up late instead. It's a terrible habit. I think I will start packing tomorrow. Most of my roommates have a leg up and have been moving their things for a while now. I won't regret that I didn't do that; I will remain positive and pack my things tomorrow.

Regret.
I'll tell you what I regret:

Everything.

I have every reason to regret what I've done in the past. Only when you are happy with your life do you have no regrets... or is that vice versa?
Who cares?All I know is that I resent my current situation. Jobless, listless, (hopeless, maybe?).
One moment I can't wait for the new day, I'm so happy. I feel wild with excitement and opportunity.
The next, I'm laying in bed all day, feeling the blood slow in my veins, wishing for extinction.
It's never consistent. It's never ending. I feel like my mother's oven; sometimes there's a spark, other times there's nothing. My head knows no "happy medium". I fail to feek its existence.

Morning. Officially.
This entry is useless. I feel like such a hypocrite.